Subconscious Worrying
It’s often suggested that some of my symptoms are triggered by anxiety. Those close to me will often say it’s because I’m worrying I have a bad stomach or that my nausea is bad. I’ve always been quick to poo-poo this and say ‘but I’m not worrying about anything’. To which the response is always ‘but subconsciously you probably are’.
I’ve always been a worrier and I come from a long line of the such. So it’s definitely part of my makeup and something I need to address. However, it’s very easy to be in denial because you don’t want to show weakness. In all honesty I don’t like the thought that my anxiety has so much power over my body. That it can make me feel physically unwell and that I have no control.
The thing is I can’t deny the fact that I do worry about bloody everything. When I actually take a second to observe my thoughts, more often than not I’m concerned about something. For example, it might be as simple as worrying that I won’t feel well enough to take the dog for a walk or whether that second Jaffa Cake is going to push me over the edge and make me feel sick. The later being a legit worry that I catastrophise in my mind. An unhealthy mental relationship with food which is a whole other conversation for another day.
The big question is, if I am indeed subconsciously worrying, how do I become conscious of it in the moment to prevent the physical symptoms? Right, that’s your homework. I expect you all to go away, find the answer and have a full report to me by the end of the weekend. I joke, of course. I mean it’s an impossible question surely?
I have no doubt that the brain and the gut are linked. It’s like when you get really excited about something, you have butterflies in your belly. Or when you’re about to have an unpleasant test at the hospital, your stomach churns and you have to dash to the nearest loo. The evidence is all there but what worries me (see, there I go again) is that it’s impossible to overcome.
I don’t know about you but I often feel like I’m in a vicious circle . You subconsciously worry which leads to feeling unwell and then you start worrying about feeling unwell. I mean, I’m exhausted just writing this so I can assure you feeling it isn’t all that fun.
As per usual and I’m sure my fellow pituitary patients can relate, it will probably take countless hours of research and a lot of trial and error to make a breakthrough. But I do have a starting point and that’s to be more mindful when I’m worrying. To take a step back when a physical symptom hits, assess the situation and ask myself why I might be feeling this way? Is there anything I’m worried about? What’s happened that day that might be a trigger? I’m going to become Enola Holmes (if you haven’t already, you must watch this on Netflix) and put my investigator hat on.
I know I’ll never be a “fly by the seat of my pant’s gal” (got to love Pretty Woman), although wouldn’t it be dreamy?! However, I am determined not to spend every single blooming day worrying myself silly. So, my investigation continues and if I make any breakthroughs I will be sure to share my findings far and wide. Oh and if you have any suggestions on how to be less of a worry wart, I am all ears my friends…
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