Food anxiety and it’s limitations
“Is it worth it?” A question I usually ask myself before considering whether I should eat something ‘naughty’ or not.
Unfortunately, it’s all part of my food anxiety that I have developed in the years following my diagnosis and it’s something that I tackle with every day.
I say tackle because it’s an internal fight I have with myself before pretty much every meal or snack I eat throughout the day. “If I eat this, is it going to make me feel unwell?” Will it give me a stomach ache? Am I going to feel more sick?”
It’s tiring to have so many racing negative thoughts on what should be a simple decision. I manifest the outcome of eating certain foods in my head and it has both a physical and psychological impact.
I’ve now convinced myself that certain food groups are going to make me feel bad, even though I’ve eaten most of the things all my life and never had a problem. I’ve limited myself so much that I just don’t look forward to eating anymore.
Dreaming about a juicy burger, fries and a milkshake but in reality only eating beans on toast is super unsatisfying. I mean surely I can’t go the rest of my life without sinking my teeth into a GBK? It’s just madness!
And don’t even get me started on chocolate. Without a doubt my favourite thing in the world which I have now put major limitations on. I never thought twice about gobbling down a whole pack of Mini Eggs or devouring a Twix. But now it actually takes me 2 days to eat a Kit Kat (a classic favourite) because I’ll only allow myself one finger a day.
It sounds ridiculous when I write it down but the fear of feeling unwell makes me feel so anxious that I’ll do anything to avoid it. However, I do realise that it’s the negative thoughts that cause the physical symptoms. It’s only because I’ve convinced myself that something is bad for me that I’ll react to it in a negative way i.e. feeling sick or having a stomach ache.
My question is “How am I going to get myself out of this monotonous cycle?”
My initial thoughts are that I should try and re-introduce the food groups I enjoy. I could stick to doing this at home so that I am in my safe place should I feel unwell. This way I’m removing the anxiety of being out and having to do the embarrassing toilet rush. We’ve all been there right?
The hard part is going to be silencing my negative thoughts as I’m eating but maybe thinking back to a time when I enjoyed eating that certain food could help i.e. a birthday meal at GBK with friends. If I override the negative thoughts with a positive experience surely this will make me feel less anxious?
There’s only one way to find out and I’m determined to do something about it because let’s face it, I don’t want to go through life putting a limit on my chocolate intake. It’s just not acceptable!
🧠